What's Y'all's Sign?

It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that the traditional astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of 'em. When I am out driving around I see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I might even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see much of 'em. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation; there are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no dat-blame water bearers anywhere. Virgins? The neighborhood ain't 'x-ackly crawlin' with them neither. SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in that night sky.
Aquarius Chitlin'
Aquarius, January 20 to February 18.
The Water Bearer.

Have excellent reasoning faculties and impress one as having more than ordinary intelligence. They readily and tactfully adapt themselves to any emergency. They are agreeable, courteous and rarely if ever quick-tempered. Their minds are quick, their judgment good and they have the natural ability and clairvoyant power to read human nature. They are not always prompt in keeping their promises and appointments. They delight in asking questions and delving into all things mysterious.


Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

Pisces Boll Weevil
Pisces, February 19 to March 20.
The Fish.

These people are often "Walking Encyclopedias," yet with all their knowledge they hesitate to go before the world and present their views of a subject, owing to their woeful lack of self-confidence. Cannot stand criticism; are never talkative or boastful. They are naturally neat and exacting in all things; are inclined toward religion, art, music, scientific and literary pursuits; have ennobling instincts; modest; clean-minded.


You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

aries Moon Pie
Aries, March 21 to April 19.
The Ram.

Born leaders, cannot be driven, are quick to anger, headstrong and impetuous of restraint or criticism. They lay out their own work; insist upon doing it in their own way, hence cannot work well under others; in brief, they are original, ambitious; energetic, reliable, audacious and highly capable of rising to a great height in the world. Much of their trouble comes through the opposite sex. They often marry twice and are attracted to those of Leo and Sagittarius.


You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

taurus Possum
Taurus, April 20 to May 20.
The Bull.

These people have great strength and will power; can be coaxed but never driven; once their minds are made up, persuasion and arguments are useless. They do not get angry quickly, yet they become very furious when they do. They keep their affairs to themselves and are seldom talkative. have winning manners and being so warm hearted and passionate, they often become strongly attached to the opposite sex. The women are so clinging and lavish with their love and affection that many of them are led astray. Their first marriage usually takes place early in life and is often a hasty or secret one.


When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.

Gemini Crawfish
Gemini, May 21 to June 20.
The Twins.

Their dual nature makes them restless, changeable and fond of travel; they are always busy, yet never content; at times wavering and uncertain in their "love affairs," they are shrewd and clever in many ways, and they have the faculty of mentally estimating every one. They can discuss many subjects with which they seem perfectly familiar; are quick tempered, suspicious, skeptical. The women are very affectionate, yet they often grow cold quickly on account of their changeful nature.


If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

Cancer Collards
Cancer, June 21 to July 22.
The Crab.

Moon Children are of a roaming nature, are ever in search of new scenes and experiences. They are geniuses in many ways, with executive and mechanical ability strongly marked. They make excellent superintendents and instructors, although they are sensitive and their feelings are easily wounded through slights or criticism, often causing them to abandon their undertakings. The women have a charming personality, are very gay, emotional, talkative, brilliant and witty; many are gifted with music and dramatic talent. Cancer people are difficult to understand, hence marriage often proves unhappy.


Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

Leo Catfish
Leo, July 23 to August 22.
The Lion.

Leo people are fearless, courageous, impulsive; they often do things on impulse which they later regret; are of a happy, jovial disposition, light-hearted, care-free; seldom worry about tomorrow; are extremely affectionate and are fine entertainers, have great personality and make friends quickly. The strong attraction to the opposite sex often causes them much sorrow; their marriage is seldom a happy one and often have many secret love affairs.


Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

Virgo Grits
Virgo, August 23 to September 22.
The Virgin.

Pure in mind, refined, modest, courteous and abhor anything vulgar. They are exceptionally neat as well as careful with their wearing apparel; proud, discriminating and dogmatic in their opinions. They admire dignity and intellect and seldom regard anyone as being their superior. They are often loved and admired for their wit and charming manners, yet they find it difficult to place their affection on account of their discriminating natures; they are prone to see the defects in everybody rather than their virtues.


Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

Libra Boiled Peanuts
Libra, September 23 to October 22.
The Balance.

Always balancing and comparing; extremely charitable, warm-hearted and amiable, ambitious, progressive and honorable. Being guided by intuition, they see and think so quickly it causes them to become very impatient with the delays and slow methods of others, often becoming sarcastic and cutting in their speech, and can never bear to be criticised.


You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

Scorpio Butter Bean
Scorpio, October 23 to November 21.
The Scorpion.

Silent, dignified and reserved both in manner and speech. They impress others as being more highly educated than they really are; being naturally polite and courteous, together with their witty, tactful and magnetic personality, they at once inspire confidence and admiration. Sometimes these people are selfish, jealous, dogmatic, critical and often sarcastic in their speech, and hard to understand even by their closest friends. They are aggressive, judicial, alert, energetic, persuasive and have great will power and determination. Much of their trouble comes through secret love affairs.


Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

Sagittarius Armadillo
Sagittarius, November 23. to December 21.
The Archer.

Sagittarians seldom miss their mark when acting upon first impression. They have great power of concentration, do their work well and never undertake but one thing at a time. While they are quick-tempered, blunt and outspoken, yet they are never meddlesome. Their minds travel like lightning to the logical conclusion, often completing a task while others are pondering over it. Being open and honest themselves, they cannot bear secrecy, trickery or deception in others. These people are odd and hard to understand, especially by the opposite sex. Marriage often proves unhappy.


You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today.You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You robably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.

Capricorn Okra
Capricorn, December 22 to January 19.
The Goat.

Often very stubborn and obstinate; invincible to arguments. They are well fitted for management, being quick to grasp an opportunity, although they are apt to engage in too many different things; practical, industrious and saving. Their executive ability alone is quite sufficient to carry them to great height in the business world, although unless they are given much encouragement they are apt to become gloomy and despondent.


Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

Name Dates Element Symbol Gemstones Flower Character Planet
Aquarius Jan 20-Feb 18 Air Water Carrier Amethyst Violet Sincerity Uranus
Pisces Feb 19-Mar 20 Water The Fishes Aquamarine Daffodil Courage Jupiter
Aries Mar 21-Apr 19 Fire Ram Diamond Daisy Innocence Mars
Taurus Apr 20-May 20 Earth Bull Emerald Lily of the Valley Success in love Venus
Gemini May 21-Jun 20 Air Twins Pearl Rose Health and long life Mercury
Cancer Jun 21-Jul 22 Water Crab Ruby Larkspur Content Moon
Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Fire Lion Peridot Gladiolus Conjugal Felicity Sun
Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22 Earth Virgin Sapphire Aster Antidote to madness Mercury
Libra Sep 23-Oct 22 Air Scales Tourmaline Marigold Hope and Faith Venus
Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21 Water Scorpion Topaz Chrysanthemum Fidelity Mars
Saggitarius Nov 22-Dec 21 Fire Archer [Centaur] Blue Zircon Narcissus Prosperity Jupiter
Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 19 Earth Mer-Goat Garnet Carnation Constancy Saturn

This page is dedicated to Paul Savage (aka "Rosemary's Baby"). A dear friend who contributed the "Southern Zodiac" text.

Zodiac chart at top from: Planting, Harvesting and Surgical Operations, Etc. according to The Signs of the Zodiac. By Prof A. F. Seward, 1920.

Gemstone and Character from: Schedule of Gemstones, Precious Stones and Their Meaning. George F. Glaser, 1892.

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The Age of Aquarius