<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/loose.dtd"> <html> <head profile="http://angelpig.org"> <title>Southern Tourism Bureau - AngelPig</title> <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <meta name="description" content="WARNING Issued By The Southern Tourism Bureau To All Visiting Yankees, CSA History, Magnolias and Live Oaks, Southern Culture, Civil War Archives, CSA Soldiers, Uniforms, Recipes, Mississippi, Fashion, Humor, CSA Currency, Heritage"> <meta name="keywords" content="Humor, Confederate, Memorial, CSA, History, Magnolias, Live Oaks, Southern Culture, Civil War, Archives, Soldiers, Uniforms, Recipes, Mississippi, Fashion, Humor, Currency, Heritage"> <meta name="owner" content="angelpig.org"> <meta name="copyright" content="Copyright 1997-present www.angelpig.org/"> <meta name="author" content="Angelsmyth Design www.angelpig.com"> <meta name="rating" content="General"> <meta name="Language" content="English"> <meta name="Revisit-After" content="30 Days"> <meta name="Distribution" content="Global"> <style type="text/css"> body { scrollbar-face-color:#FFFFFF; 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} table.footer td { border: none; text-align:center; font-size:12px; font-weight:bold; color:#fff;} table.footer p { text-align:center; font-size:10px; font-weight:bold; color:#fff; padding: 10px 0 15px 0; } hr {border-top:1px solid #fff; width:50%; margin:0 auto;} span.c1 {text-decoration: underline} div.img { width: auto; display: block; padding: 0 1px 5px 1px; font-size:12px; font-weight:bold; text-align:left; vertical-align: top; border: none; } table.c4 {margin: 0 auto; width:90%; border:none; text-align:center;} table.c4 td {border: none; padding: 2px; text-align: center; vertical-align:middle; } table.c4 td.c1 {border: none; padding-right: 5px; text-align: left; vertical-align:middle; font-size:18px; font-weight:bold; color:#fff;} table.c4 td.c2 {border: none; text-align: left; vertical-align:middle; font-size:13px; font-weight:bold; color:#fff;} table.footer {margin: 0 auto; border: none; text-align:center; font-size:13px; font-weight:bold; color:#fff;} /*]]>*/ </style> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/libs/jquery/1.3.2/jquery.min.js"> </script> <script type="text/javascript" src="/scrolltopcontrol.js"> //<![CDATA[ /*********************************************** * Scroll To Top Control script- ) Dynamic Drive DHTML code library (www.dynamicdrive.com) * This notice MUST stay intact for legal use * Visit Project Page at http://www.dynamicdrive.com for full source code ***********************************************/ //]]> </script> </head> <body> <br> <br> <div id="top"></div> <br> <img src="/southern/southern_welcome.gif" width="370" height="140" alt="" class="center"> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">1.</td> <td> <div class="img">Do <span class="c1">NOT</span> order</div> <img src="/southern/steak.jpg" width="125" height="130" alt=""></td> <td> <div class="img">at the</div> <img src="/southern/waffle-house.jpg" width="260" height="145" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/breakfast1.jpg" width="220" height="100" alt=""> <div class="img">let 'em cook something they know.</div> </td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">2.</td> <td class="c2">Do not laugh at Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Gertrude, Joe Boy, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, Sudie, Billy Bob) These people have been known to whup a man's a*s for less. Just sayin' !</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">3.</td> <td class="c2">Do not ask for a bottle of pop or can of</td> <td><img src="/southern/sodacan.jpg" width="78" height="149" alt=""></td> <td class="c2">This might lead to a beating.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">4.</td> <td class="c2">Down South it is called "<br> <big>Co-Cola</big>"</td> <td><img src="/southern/coke.jpg" width="85" height="250" alt=""></td> <td class="c2">It don't make a d**n whether it's Pepsi, 7-Up or whatever; it's <big>Co-Cola</big> down here.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">5.</td> <td class="c2">We don't show allegiance to any college football team that is not in the</td> <td><img src="/southern/sec.jpg" width="100" height="55" alt=""></td> <td class="c2">(Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.) All others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like...</td> <td><img src="/southern/wyoming.jpg" width="165" height="155" alt=""></td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">6.</td> <td class="c2">Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c1"> <tr> <td><img src="/southern/hillbilly.jpg" width="225" height="185" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/bubba_sm.jpg" width="185" height="245" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/juke.jpg" width="219" height="291" alt=""></td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">7.</td> <td class="c2">We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a whole lot nicer.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <table class="c1"> <tr> <td><img src="/southern/grisham_john_01.jpg" width="160" height="165" alt="" title="John Grisham"></td> <td><img src="/southern/king_times.jpg" width="150" height="200" title="Martin Luther King, Jr." alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/faulkner_times.jpg" width="140" height="205" title="William Faulkner" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/williams_times.jpg" width="150" height="200" title="Tennessee Williams" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/capote_truman_01.jpg" width="165" height="165" title="Truman Capote" alt=""></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table class="c1"> <tr> <td><img src="/southern/welty_eudora_001.jpg" width="220" height="195" alt="" title="Eudora Welty"></td> <td><img src="/southern/foote_shelby.jpg" width="160" height="205" alt="" title="John Grisham"></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table class="c1"> <tr> <td class="c1">...AND<br> Since the Miss America Organization's inception in 1921, our Miss Americas have included 22 SOUTHERN GIRLS</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">8.</td> <td class="c2">We have plenty of business sense.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <table class="c1"> <tr> <td><img src="/southern/fedex.jpg" width="175" height="110" alt="" title="FedEx"></td> <td><img src="/southern/netsape_mozilla.jpg" width="130" height="110" title="Netscape" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/home_depot.jpg" width="90" height="110" title="Home Depot" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/tbs01.jpg" width="180" height="95" title="Turner Broadcasting" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/dell_logo.jpg" width="125" height="65" title="Dell" alt=""> </td> </tr> </table> <br> <table class="c1"> <tr> <td><img src="/southern/mci.jpg" width="155" height="105" title="MC!" alt=""> </td> <td><img src="/southern/mtv_01.jpg" width="125" height="160" title="MTV" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/boa.jpg" width="185" height="145" title="Bank of America" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/att.jpg" width="80" height="135" title="ATT" alt=""></td> <td><img src="/southern/conoco.jpg" width="160" height="130" title="Conoco" alt=""></td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">9.</td> <td class="c2">Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgement...</td> </tr> </table> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td><img src="/southern/ebbers_bernard2.jpg" width="130" height="150" title="Bernie Ebbers" alt=""> <div class="img">AKA Bernard John Ebbers<br> Born: 27-Aug-1941<br> Birthplace: Edmonton, Alberta,<br> <big><strong>CANADA</strong></big><br> NOT a Southerner!!</div> </td> <td><img src="/southern/fordice.jpg" width="165" height="120" title="Kirk Fordice" alt=""> <div class="img">AKA Daniel Kirkwood Fordice, Jr.<br> Born: 10-Feb-1934<br> OOPS!<br> Birthplace: Memphis, Tn</div> </td> <td><img src="/southern/d-duke.jpg" width="165" height="115" title="David Duke" alt=""> <div class="img">AKA David Ernest Duke<br> Born: 13-Jul-1950<br> Birthplace: Tulsa, <big><strong>OKLA</strong></big><br> Sorta Southern!</div> </td> <td><img src="/southern/lott_trent.jpg" width="155" height="200" title="Trent Lott" alt=""> <div class="img">AKA Chester Trent Lott, Sr.<br> Born: 9-Oct-1941<br> OOPS!<br> Birthplace: Grenada, Ms<br> ...and wearin' a bad "rag"</div> </td> </tr> </table> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c2">We don't care if you think we are dumb, because we will whup your a*s.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">10.</td> <td class="c2">We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the h**l up, spend your Yankee Dollars</td> <td><img src="/southern/money1.jpg" width="165" height="100" alt=""></td> <td class="c2">and get the h**l outta here.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">11.</td> <td class="c2"> <div class="img">Don't order wheat toast</div> <img src="/southern/toast.jpg" width="150" height="150" alt=""></td> <td class="c2"> <div class="img">at...</div> <img src="/southern/cracker_barrel.jpg" width="160" height="105" alt=""> <div class="img">Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio.</div> </td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">12.</td> <td class="c2">Eat your biscuits like God intended</td> <td><img src="/southern/breakfast2.jpg" width="265" height="180" alt=""></td> <td class="c2">and don't put sugar on your grits.</td> <td><img src="/southern/grits.jpg" width="100" height="145" alt=""></td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">13.</td> <td class="c2">Don't fake a southern accent. This will incite a riot.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">14.</td> <td class="c2">Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a d**n. If you don't like it here, take your a*s home.</td> <td><img src="/southern/delta.jpg" width="350" height="100" alt=""></td> <td class="c2">is ready anytime you are...</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">15.</td> <td class="c2">We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy Northern games. So don't come down here asking the score because we don't give a d**n.</td> </tr> </table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">16.</td> <td class="c2">We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we want to and because we can.<br> We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners do understand what we are saying and that's all that matters.<br> Now, go home.</td> </tr></table> <br> <br> <table class="c4"> <tr> <td class="c1">17.</td> <td class="c2">Last, but not least (actually, this should be NUMBER ONE). <big>DO NOT</big> <u>ever</u> come down here trying to tell us how to make Bar-B-Q. This will get your a*s shot. You're lucky we let you come down here. Question our Bar-B-Q and go home in a pine box.</td> </tr></table> <br> <table class="c1"> <tr> <td><img src="/southern/shoulder-box.jpg" width="185" height="150" alt="" title="Shoulder ready for the competition"></td> <td><img src="/southern/hog4.jpg" width="250" height="108" alt="" title="Huff 'n Puff Award Winning Hog"></td> <td><img src="/southern/ribs.jpg" width="225" height="130" alt="" title="Backdraft Smokers' Ribs"></td> <td><img src="/southern/sandwich.jpg" width="125" height="95" alt="" title="Pulled Pork Shoulder Sandwich"></td> </tr></table> <br> <hr> <br> <p class="c1">Folks, these are all intended to be "fun", so don't go taking any exceptions to them. We Southerners can poke fun at ourselves, but any Yankee who even attempts it best give his heart to God, 'cause guess what part of their anatomy is ours...</p> <br> <table class="footer"> <tr> <td><a href="http://www.angelpig.org/sitemenu.html"><img src="/images/angels_halo01.gif" width="146" height="98" alt=""><br> Site Menu</a></td> <td><a href="http://www.angelpig.org/"><img src="/southern/magnolia_bloom_home.jpg" width="150" height="150" alt=""><br> Go back in the house! 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