Everything Southern has its Yankee Counterpart
Here's how to tell which is which:
- The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes.
The South has 'mater samiches.
- The North has coffeehouses.
The South has Waffle Houses.
- The North has Mom.
The South has Mama.
- The North has dating services.
The South has family reunions.
- The North has switchblade knives.
The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
- The North has saving the whales.
The South has getting saved.
- The North has double last names.
The South has double first names.
- The North has sensational tabloids.
The South has neighbors.
- The North has the Mafia,
The South has NASCAR.
- The North has Indy car races.
The South has Swamp Buggy races.
- The North has multiple branched family trees.
The South has family trees with trunks and no branches.
- The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal.
The South has grits.
- The North has green salads.
The South has collard greens and chitlins.
- The North has lobsters.
The South has crawdads.
- The North has flower gardens, bird baths, and flagpoles in front yards.
The South has cars on blocks, pink flamingos, and washtubs in front yards.
- Bluenecks are Northerners -- the opposite of Rednecks.
Because of Redneck jokes: here are some takes on how Southern folks look at Northerners (or how Northerners sometimes think of themselves ;)
- ....Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
- ....You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
- ....You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.
- ....You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g. boiled peanuts).
- ....You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
- ....For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
- ....You don't know what a moon pie is.
- ....You've never had an RC Cola.
- ....You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.
- ....You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
- ....You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
- ....You have no idea what a polecat is.
- ....You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
- ....You don't have bangs.
- ....You would rather have your son become a lawyer, than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
- ....You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes."
- ....You've never eaten, and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.
- ....You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.
- ....You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
- ....You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
- ....The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the Freeway.
- ....You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
- ....You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.
- ....You call binoculars opera glasses.
- ....You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
- ....You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice).
- ....You don't know any women with male names (i.e. Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie).
- ....You don't have Me-maw's & Pap-paw's.
- ....You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
- ....NONE of your fur coats are homemade.
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, several southern tv stations are joining together and are planning to do their own, entitled "Survivor: Southern Style." The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia and on to South Carolina. From there they will head up to North Carolina and over to Tennessee. They will then proceed down to Mississippi and Louisiana. Finally ending up back over in Alabama.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large bumper stickers that read: I'm Gay, I'm a Vegetarian, NASCAR Sucks, Go Yankees! Smoking is for Idiots, I Like Hillary, Deer Hunting is Murder, and I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns!
The first one that makes it back to Montgomery alive, wins.
Sou'thun Folks, now these are s'posed to be "fun", so don't take any exceptions to them. We Southerners can poke fun at ourselves, but any Yankee who even attempts it best give his heart to God, 'cause guess what part of their anatomy is ours...